Timing is Everything

I’ve had several experiences over the last several years where I’ve felt like I was in the right place…but at the wrong time.

The first time I felt like that was when I returned to Kenya after college.  I loved what I was doing with the kids at the orphanage where I lived, but it was a rough time for the organization I was with so my overall experience as a missionary was kind of negative…okay, quite negative.  If I had had been there a year later, my experience likely would have been really different.  Then, when I was working as a one-on-one support staff for kids with special needs, I began going to school to study early childhood education.  Before I began school, working as a support staff fit me just fine.  But as I went to school, I became increasingly dissatisfied with my role as support staff.  I got frustrated because I was learning how to plan lessons in class, but at work I wasn’t in a capacity to influence lesson-planning.  I got frustrated because the licensing regulations for an early childhood environment are different than requirements for public schools.  Eventually I realized that there was enough difference between early childhood education theory and kindergarten classroom experience that I had to either stop studying or change work environments.  So I quit and became a pre-school teacher.  Again, timing influenced that decision.  If I hadn’t been in school, I likely would not have gotten so frustrated and agitated at work.  And if I hadn’t left that position…let’s just say some things would be really different now.

Right out of seminary I took a position as a youth director at a small congregation.  In the inquiry and interview phase it sounded like this congregation was just growing out of a merger of two dying congregations so was interested in revisioning what ministry with children and youth could look like.  While I didn’t have any experience as a youth director, I had a lot of ideas about ministry with children and their families.  I thought it would be fun to get in on the ground level of a congregation as they worked to articulate who they wanted to be and how they would work with the children and youth in their context.  Instead, I ended up teaching Confirmation, which is exactly what I didn’t want to do.  Instead, I didn’t get to do any visioning or consultation about children, family or intergenerational ministry.  And timing was a factor.  The year I was part of that congregation was the first year the congregation really was its own congregation.  They spent the year trying to sort out the kinks of merging and forming, and in the mean time went back to traditional children’s ministry (children’s sermons and Sunday School) and traditional youth ministry (confirmation).  They had a contextual education student from the seminary who got all the congregational leadership experience I was looking for but didn’t get because I wasn’t an MDiv student.  Meanwhile, the timing of things in my own world led to a crisis where I needed pastoral help, which my supervising pastor couldn’t offer because of the timing of things in her world which led her to being overwhelmed and burnt out.  So, I left that congregation feeling invisible, unvalued and incredibly disappointed.

Well, I visited that congregation on Sunday.  I’ve been meaning to for over a year, but yesterday was the first time I got back.  And sure enough, as I sat through worship I thought, “if I was just coming into this congregation, I would have a drastically different perspective and experience.”  The timing is different.  My personal drama and crisis is much less intense.  The burnt out pastor has moved on, leaving the pastor who I always felt would be a creative supervisor and mentor as the one in charge.  The lack of youth and children would require creativity and ingenuity (traditional wouldn’t make sense).  The contextual education program at the seminary has disbanded so the pastor truly didn’t have anyone else who was theologically trained to assist in leadership.  Now, if I worked at that congregation, I’d likely be involved in more than just confirmation ministry.  I’d likely get opportunities to preach and lead worship, to be on committees and try new projects, to explore creative outreach and education.  Yeah, it’d be a different experience now.

And so I sat there and was washed over with the betrayal and disappointment I felt when I left.  But then, people remembered me and asked what I was doing.  The pastor took time to connect with me, even though his kids were demanding his attention.  And even though I knew I was leaving to attend my own church’s annual meeting where I’d get voted onto church council so am not really looking to change churches, I found myself asking to have coffee with this pastor some time.  I found myself wanting to see if he thinks I can be of any help to them.  But again, the timing is off.  I’ve just sent out applications and inquiries that may open doors outside of Minnesota.  Every day I tell myself it’s time to move, and applications to several different mission organizations are always on my mind.  For instance, I’ve wanted to do a volunteer year of some kind for ages, but the timing hasn’t worked out.  Now, as I look for something, I realize that many (and by ‘many’ I mean 2 that I know of for sure) ‘young adult’ opportunities are for people ages 18-30.  I’m now at the top of that range.  Do I do it anyway?  Again, somehow the timing is off…